Paste an iPad in Your Panties

For those of you who read this and don't follow me on twitter, I began the day like this:

• One hour till the mac geek collective orgasm. Foreplay has been going on for months so we're aiming for multiples.

About two hours later:

• I'm actually finding this whole experience underwhelming. I thought we were supposed to see fireworks. "Premature Ejaculation Jobs."

And then the jokes about the name - iPad (gah!)

• "iPad" ... the name sounds like it should be pasted into panties. Why?
• cleaning an iPad requires douche.
• everyone's iPhone is now just for your lighter flow days.

Those are just mine.
Here's a breakdown of some of my favorite tweets regarding the horribly named iPad:

• xenijardin Prediction: DRM advocates who criticize Apple for lack of openness will make lots of jokes about iPad vs the need to Stayfree (TM).
• summersumz I'm wondering how many women were on the iPad marketing team, and why none of them used their "big girl voice" to shoot down that name.
• @Fritinancy What's this I hear about Apple breaking into the lucrative feminine hygiene market with new "iPad"?
• @andevers ... there is rarely room for menstrual humor in broad daylight w/ mixed company. Forgive me Mr. Jobs or should I say thanks?
• @gooddoug: Next year, it's the iTampon
• @expatina Coming next: the new, slightly larger iDepends.
• @RenovationTherapy Ipad, for your heaviest cycles.
• @rebeccaforever: iPad? So what--you use it once a month?
• @DrJenGunter: Do you charge the #iPad every 28 days? (via @dianefischler)

on and on ....

So it just makes one ask... WHY? Did you steal if from MAD TV when they came out with this video?

Oh well, if nothing else it provided a morning of collective adolescent humor.

Did you hear any good jokes about the iPad? Please, put them in the comments. It'll be a fun collection.

Minted Lamb Kebabs with Roast Vegetable CousCous

I made this for some friends last night. It was a big hit and really easy so, here you go.

Roast Vegetable CousCous
1 large eggplant
1 small green squash
1 red sweet red onion
1 head garlic
(optional vegetables: red bell pepper, yellow squash, cherry tomatoes)
Olive oil
Salt/pepper


• Preheat oven to 375
• Prepare a backing pan with olive oil (Use a LARGE pan. The vegetables should be in one layer to roast properly. If they are crowded the ones on the bottom will steam and you'll just get mush)
• Cut the the eggplant and squash into small pieces - no bigger than 1 inch cubes and toss in the pan
• slice the onion into thin half rounds and add to pan
• separate and peel the garlic cloves and add to the pan
• sprinkle with kosher salt and a few twists of ground pepper.
• toss with a little more olive oil and put it in the oven.

While it cooks, begin prepare the

CousCous
2 cups CousCous
2 cups water (or broth)
2 tbsp butter

• Heat water and butter until boiling.
• take off heat and pour in the 2 cups of CousCous
• stir to coat
• cover pan

While it steams, you can prepare the

Minted Lamb Kebabs
1 lb ground lamb
1 cup fresh mint chopped very fine
1 inch round of fresh ginger or a tablespoon of ginger paste
1 tbsp cilantro pesto (or basil pesto)

Mix ingredients together.
Shape into sausages and put on squires. Flatten slightly.
Lay squires on oiled baking sheet. (OR put on the grill!!)

When the Vegetables are done (about an hour - don't forget to stir a few times) take them out of the oven to cool slightly and put the lamb in. Cook the lamb for about 15 minutes, turning once.

While the Kebabs cook fluff the CousCous with two forks and combine with the vegetables.

Serve it up with hummus or tahini and pita bread!

What's a Story without an Audience?

My (ex) father-in-law is in town. I've always respected him, but it's taken 13 years to truly adore him. Last night I tweeted that I was picking him up from the BART station because, even though he is blind, he wouldn't let me fetch him from the airport. There really isn't' any arguing with Michael, so ... I was there when he arrived in Berkeley.

The short story: Michael survived the holocaust with his sister by living in the woods for many years, was saved by Hillel, shipped to America, where he worked very hard and completed degrees at MIT. He married an equally amazing woman (also a survivor who had worked her way up to be among the first women to graduate Harvard Medical School) and had four kids. Regina died tragically of breast cancer when she was 48. Her youngest son was 10. Bankrupt from medical bills, Michael started all over and triumphed once again. He's been married to his second wife, a journalism professor at Rutgers, for over twenty years and between them they have 11 grandchildren.

Since separating from my husband, I've had the opportunity to spend time with Michael alone. When he is in town we'll go to lunch - just the two of us - and chat about current events, work and family. He is 85 years old and sharp as a needle. I spent time with him today and we spoke mostly about his latest projects - he's writing. Books. (He said "what else am I going to do all day? I can't watch television, or read the newspaper, so I write.")

He's completed an, as yet, unpublished autobiography about his life and, most recently, he self published a book compiled from Regina's notes - a memoir. GRIT: A Pediatricians Odyssey from a Soviet Camp to Harvard. This afternoon he was consulting with me about ways to market it. Despite a front page story in the New Jersey Jewish News, a review in The Jewish State, and a couple of speaking engagements, it was not selling. "Cori," he said, "HOW do I market this book?" Drawing from my long long long ago stint in publishing, I began to answer, but he interrupted with the kicker question: from my very wise 85 year old FIL, I heard "and WHY does it matter to me?"

Um, wow. Marketing a book - now that's concrete business stuff - I can work with that - help him sell a few more books with publicity on social media channels and plans for November Jewish book month and ... (blah blah blah)... but WHY DOES IT MATTER? to HIM? I'm flabbergasted he asked. Me. I didn't know what to say.

Finally, "well Michael, you clearly want Regina's story told, and what's a story without an audience?"
He agreed. Quietly.

Then proceeded to tell me about his current project - an epic novel spanning 3 generations - a reflection of his life during the illness and after the death of "Regina." He explained the outline... I suggested he skip the novel and go directly to a screen play. It's a good story. It would make a great movie.

I wonder who would play me.
;-)

PS - before writing this post I (obviously) googled Michael. I was surprised to find he has his own website. I've no idea who made it or keeps it for him, but it has some interesting stuff on it. .

It's Not the Universe; It's the Machine

With two kids in tow, the two most difficult times of day for me are (1) getting out the door in the morning for school and (2) completing the evening routine by 8:30 pm - bedtime. When these things are accomplished it like... well, it's as if all the stars have aligned themselves in perfect order and the universe is moving forward with me gliding effortless on its wings. Beautiful.

It happened like that today. By 7:30 am they were dressed, fed and brushed. They killed time watching Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for 20 minutes until it was time to go. There were no fights. No yelling "hurry up! We're gonna be late." It was calm.

In the evening we had a simple pasta dinner and they played monopoly while I cleaned up. For a while we hung out in my bedroom, looking at knitting books - deciding what to make for their forthcoming cousin. Joe did his homework; Maia complained that she didn't have any. We all had a little laugh.

Bedtime stories, kisses, hugs, goodnight.

I look at my watch and it's 8:20. Did this really happen? Did we have good morning AND a good night? All on the same day? Well, that is something to blog about.

Fact of the matter is, it's not magic. It's not even the universe aligning itself with my aura. It's me learning how to make it work.

We weren't rushed in the morning because I'd made lunches the night before. Clothes had been washed so there was no searching for matching socks or a pair of clean underwear. The fridge was full of fresh fruits, vegis and the frozen pancakes they like for breakfast. Everything was EASY because I was prepared.

Same for tonight. Mondays are difficult - it's the first day back at school (and today was the first day back from two week holiday!) - so I made pasta. Everyone likes it. No one complains. It's easy on all of us. Often, after dinner, they'll watch a video on my laptop, but tonight they surprised me by pulling out the Monopoly board and engaging in old fashioned board game fun. Kind of shocking actually. I spent the time knitting. Knitting!

They got in their pajamas without complaint because they were tired. We read a couple of stories and turned off the lights. I closed their door at 8:20. Wow.

Naturally, I spent the next hour preparing for tomorrow morning - doing dishes, making lunches, folding laundry, taking kitchen inventory and planning what to cook for supper.

It all takes effort, but when it works, it's like a well oiled machine. Soooo smooth. *muah*

The Best Worst Year of My LIfe

Someone I follow on twitter posted that 2009 was the close of the best worst year of her life. I keep thinking about that tweet and how true it is for me.

My decision to pursue a divorce came at the end of 2008. The house was sold at the beginning of 2009 and we moved into separate residences. The entire year has been one of transition: learning to be a working single mom of two and navigate the world from a different perspective.

The fact of the matter is that it's been hard as hell. Probably the most difficult year of my life. But here's the thing - commitment to the transition was the best decision I've ever made. And it's done. I did it.

If 2009 was the year of transition, then the #themeword of 2010 promises to be one of momentum. Growing my business, pursuing neglected projects; building relationships... moving forward. Full steam ahead.

My Droid is Pink

I made a small contribution to the blog DROIDIE.
Check it out here.

10 Things I Learned from "Up in the Air"

I've seen more movies in the last four weeks than the 11 months prior put together. So, here is another "review."

Up in the Air is one of those movies that I didn't know much about going in. Furthermore, I wasn't expecting much because as far as I could tell it wasn't about blowing up buildings, the end of the world or romancing an alien; but might measure up to a television "movie of the week" type thing.

I was wildly surprised. The film is rich in detail and beautifully constructed. The characters are well developed and and the acting is superb. The stories are huge... and there are so many of them. I came out of the theater having learned stuff. What, exactly? A list in no particular order:

1. on-line communication is not a substitute for face to face connection
2. unscheduled visits never go well
3. lists of character traits essential in a partner are sort of meaningless
4. sext messaging isn't just for teenagers
5. what feels right to you may not feel right to others
6. don't get sucked into the naive enthusiasm of youth
7. never assume
8. family is thick
9. never stand behind parents with small children in an airport security queue
10. we all die alone