Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Making My Bed

I'm still not divorced and Sunday was my eleven year wedding anniversary.

Back in the day I'd be greeted on May 23 with a humongous bouquet of flowers - delivered to the front door. Nice, right?

It never failed to irritate me. WHY spend a $100 on flowers (that would die) and delivery when you live with me in the SAME house? What a massive waste of funds. Furthermore, floral delivery indicated that little to no time or effort was put into the gift. It was always a disappointment and it's probably jaded me forever.

Of course, THIS is "the day" NOW, and the anniversary was forgotten until the memory (upon looking at the date) assaulted me on Sunday morning... The wedding itself was beautiful. A sunny May day in Tilden Park's Brazillian Room. The band was great. Everyone danced. I hear the food was good, but I didn't have any because I spent half the night in the bathroom puking.

OK, maybe that's an exaggeration. It wasn't HALF the night. It about 45 minutes. And it happened after I was lifted up in a chair and flung around the dance floor like a giant beach ball. My girlfriend held my hair back as I heaved over the toilet. Somehow my dress stayed clean.

I tried very hard to keep the marriage together. Telling myself often, "I've made my bed, I must lay in it." It was absurd to think that I'd end what appeared to be the perfect success story (marriage, house, kids, businesses, etc etc). But it was all an APPEARANCE. A face for the world.

It wasn't until I EMBRACED the absurd - the end - that I was able to get out of the proverbial bed and start anew.

So, yea, my linens aren't silk and satin, but they ARE 100% cotton, the bed is ALL MINE - and I can make it any way I like.


  1. I only lasted 15 months before I had to call it on my marriage, but that was the longest 15 months of coming to grips with the realization that it just wasn't going to work.

    We've been divorced since 2002, and when my wedding anniversary rolls around every year, I always mark it in a small, soft place inside my heart, the place that is always going to believe that, somehow, I failed and failed miserably. But the rest of me is better for having been through all of it.

    Oh, and we had a fantastic wedding, too. All the details were lovely, and everyone had a good time.

  2. I loved reading this as I am starting the initial phases of divorce and have three young children. We have been married for seven years and I can't say they have been a happy seven years at all. It certainly is easier to think that staying together "makes sense" and is the right thing to do, but I realize now how totally unhappy we are and how embracing the absurd for us will allow us all to live a life without constant tension. Thanks.


I love getting comments on my posts! Yours will be approved within a couple of hours. Thanks so much for taking the time to read my words.