Breezy Birthing Day

Pregnancy does not become me. Aside from the usual nausea and fatigue, I break out in acne worse than a pubescent hamburger flipper. It's nasty. Additionally, I'm a small person, so the last trimester is particularly painful. Maia (my second) would push at my ribs with her feet - as if she wanted to stretch out her legs. It became so bad that I had my friend, a midwife, strip my membranes to try and induce labor - something that was done quite successfully during my first pregnancy. It worked: two days later the contractions began.

During Contractions

Between Contractions

This is where most women launch into a diatribe about the trauma of their birthing experience. I know this because it's what I did after I had Joe (my first). Descriptions with details about episiotomy stitches and epidural headaches abound. I'm not gonna do that.


The contractions came exactly six years ago on a hot afternoon - soft and far apart - just like they're supposed to. I conducted my day as usual - worked (there was a deadline that had to be reached!), hung out with Joe, a new neighbor came by to visit. I called my doula - a longtime girlfriend who was coming up from Santa Cruz to help me out and take photos - so she could start her one-hour drive. My friend, the midwife, lived next door and checked in on me often.

It was late when the contractions became stronger and closer together. My husband (at the time) left me in the capable hands of my doula-friend and my midwife-friend who took shifts while he slept. It was wonderful. The labor was textbook - there was no pain between contractions and it was hard to tell when to leave for the hospital. Eventually my midwife-friend checked how far I was dilated and proclaimed us ready to go.

Once admitted to the hospital my friends and I lit a gardenia scented candle and tried to get some sleep (then-husband was at home with 4-year-old Joe). In the morning they offered pitocin to speed things along. When it was time to have the epidural I questioned it - maybe it's not needed? But the nurse and midwife-friend said to take it then or I there wouldn't be another chance. I took their advice.

My husband (at the time) arrived just as I was starting to push, and Maia slipped out fifteen minutes later. A beautiful healthy baby girl.

Easy, peasy, breezy.

Especially when you compare it to my first birthing experience: with Joe I had back labor and the pain was excruti----oops - I said I wasn't gonna do that.

What's your labor story? I know you want to tell it.

(All photos by Deborah Bresnick)

Guest Post and Pestilence

My friend and fellow Single Mama Extraordinaire Issa Mas is running a weekly series on her blog featuring single moms from around the world. I was lucky enough to participate. My post was published yesterday and you can find it here. It's all about rules and routines and why it's important to have them both.

Flea Bites on My Legs

Sadly, since writing the post, my house (and myself) have been infested with fleas. While they don't seem to bother the kids, Moses and I are being eaten alive. Let me be the first to tell you that any kind of routine is ripped to shreds when faced with pestilence. And here I will complain: it is hard enough being a single parent in GENERAL - but when issues like lice, fleas, illness, or broken bones enter the picture the job becomes ginormous and overwhelming.

I'm very lucky to have a good friend who is helping me through this ridiculous ordeal. I've been sleeping at her house (to escape the fleas) and she has helped me organize cleaning and boarding for Moses (the dog) as well as coordinate a visit from fleabusters. Honestly, I don't know what I'd have done without her this past week.

We're supposed to be the strong-willed, hard-working, much-loving single parents.... but it doesn't always go smoothly. "Life happens" (quote from my mom) and it must be dealt with. But sometimes it just CAN'T be done alone, and it's OK to reach out for help. All those people who've said "I don't know how you do it, being a single parent..." Them? Those are the ones to ask. 

Accountability and Why Twitter Should Have a Dating Component

It's no secret that I spent several months testing my luck on a couple of dating websites. I met a lot of guys. Had a lot of fun first dates. A few seconds. And zero thirds.

A few weeks ago, a friend who's known me for years set me up with one of her coworkers. We met for coffee and got along well. Several enjoyable dates later it became apparent that we were not a match, but we had a few lovely meals, a couple of hikes and many long conversations. It was nice getting to know each other.

What's the difference?

Let's just say that the men I've met via dating sites were more comfortable cruising to second base (or stealing third) than men I'd met through friends. Why? Because he knew me from nothing - no connection, no commonalities - if he chose to attempt a homer and then never call again I'd be the only one to know he's an ass. No skin off his back.

The other guy - the one I met through a friend? He's accountable to her. He knows that if he's rude to me or does something unreasonable that it will be reported to our mutual friend. It could make him look bad if he tries to jump bases. He doesn't want to look less than stellar, so he's polite, nice, even chivalrous.

Where does twitter work into this?

I've been on twitter for several years (@berzerkeley) and have built up a wonderful community of friends. (People who don't tweet don't understand this, but those of you who do - and I'll bet there are at least a few of you reading this - get it.) Many are parents. Single moms and single dads. Some are from Berkeley. Most are not. But they all have a presence on twitter. Through this community I've met and dated a few different people. Because we followed each other on twitter we had a base understanding of each other and a connection via a common group of people. In other words, we were both accountable to the twitter community from which we met. If either went "out of bounds" there was a danger of it being reported publicly. In my circle this breeds good behavior. The experiences were excellent. Better than anything I ever found on OKCupid or jDate.

Back in 2008 I made a (fictional) video about just this. In the three years since then, meeting people through social media in general and twitter in particular has become a more acceptable venture. So I'm wondering, why hasn't this been mined.

Developers, coders, app-creators - whatever you're called - could someone please create a dating site from what already exists in the twitterverse? Can you make it easier to search single men my age and geographically near me, so I can stalk - I mean follow - them? And that's just the beginning. Hashtags and lists can be brought into the mix. Come now. It can't be that hard.

Get to work!

Appsperiments

My Droid finally broke down and died last month. I took the opportunity to trade (up?) to an iPhone 4 - on the Verizon network. I've been a happy Verizon customer for 15 years.

What's the first thing I do with my new phone? I mean like - the VERY FIRST THING - before I make a call, send a text, set up email - before any of that - I download the application Instagram and take a photo of myself. Still in the parking lot.

It's why I bought the phone.

Seriously. For the past several months I've been admiring the stunning photographs posted by my friends via Instagram.  I was dying to see how it worked and try it out. but the app isn't available for Android so, until I did the switch, I was helpless to participate.

Since that day, about a month ago, I might have gone a little overboard with the photo app purchases and downloads. Last count, I had about 20 of them. Aside from Instagram - which I adore - my favorite applications for photography are LensFlare, Blender, Labelbox, ColorSplash, Diptic and Camera +. I use them in combination to create what the iPhonographers call "appsperiments." Sure, I'm used to touching up photos in Adobe Photoshop on my client's projects, but altering them significantly - no way. Maybe this is why I so love this hobby: it's exactly what I don't get to do at work.

A flickr pro account (graciously gifted by a friend!) allows me to upload all of these crazy photos to one place to organize, label and tag. Finding flickr groups to join has been fun. Being invited to join groups: gratifying.

I love using this phone as a camera. In fact, I use it more often as a camera then anything else. It should really be called an iCamera with a built in phone.

But I digress.

There is a lot that I've learned about graphic design over the (ahem) 15 years in the business that correlate to composing photographs. With the iPhone apps, I can go beyond the capture and add elements that tell a richer story. Because, lets face it, a truly good photograph tells a tale. It speaks in larger ways than words.

Aside from great personal satisfaction with this new hobby, I've gotten some really nice feedback from the public specter that is tremendously encouraging. In the last two days:

• Smarties posted the pictures I took of the candy and thanked me by name on their facebook page.
• Lush Gelato "liked" my picture of their ice cream on their facebook page.
• Berkeleyside published one of my photos on their blog.
• I was invited to a couple of flickr groups and my Instagram following is growing.

So, if you're on Instagram, please follow me at berzerkeley. And just to confuse you, on flickr, I'm corikesler. 

Let's share photos. Let's tell stories.

The Monthly Book Report

Joe's fourth grade teacher has been very creative in the way she assigns monthly book reports. Rather then traditional written papers, the projects have ranged in style from cereal boxes, mobiles and book covers to board games and pinwheels. Each form requires the same fundamental items (setting, characters, etc) but the production and vehicle for communication is different.

At the beginning of each month Joe chooses a book. By the end of the month, he's read five other books besides the one he'd planned for his book report. It's amazing to me that he doesn't mix everything up. He remembers the details of the characters, plot, thoughts, ideas - everything.

We work together on the reports. It's often a challenge and it would be fair to say that there is occasional dread involved (from both of us) at the impending due date. I've found that each report requires at least four hours and is best to do over two days - usually the weekend before it's due. Getting through each project is gratifying and, despite (not) infrequent arguments, his pride in the creations is gratifying. The time spent together bonds us. It's been good.

The final report of the year was "free choice" and Joe asked if he could do a movie trailer (I've been working with the students on digital stories so this is an acceptable format of submission) We got to work - starting with a story board... we created our own, not realizing that iMovie offers templates for movie trailers - had I known we were going to use one, I would have had him start there. (Live and learn --- Learn and live!)

We decided quickly that the kinds of images that Joseph wanted were too specific to find in a creative commons search, so he decided to draw his own. BEST DECISION EVER! His artistic skills (in my humble opinion as his mom) are stellar. Because we'd taken the time to make the story board he  knew exactly what illustrations he needed. It took out the guesswork. I taught him how to color his sketches in Adobe Photoshop - a program I use professionally. He was impressed with my familiarity of the software and he learned something about my field of work.

When he was done drawing, he took digital pictures of the illustrations and imported them to iPhoto, and from there to iMovie. Using the template provided, he chose the images he wanted; when he didn't like the number of images required by the template I explained how to add up the time of each clip provided so he could insert what he liked while keeping the movie in concert with the music.

Tomorrow Joe will turn in the dvd with the story board and notes in a plastic cd case What he created is really excellent. I'm a very proud mama.

Two Radicchio Recipes

Lately I've been having intense cravings for radicchio. When I have a craving for something I don't question it - I go with it - so I've been eating radicchio. A lot.

Together with some staple items I have in my kitchen, radicchio can be salad or a pasta "sauce."

This is how I've been preparing it:

Radicchio Salad
1 head radicchio chopped
half cup crumbled blue cheese
1/4 cup currents
1/4 cup walnuts
1/2 apple, thinly sliced
1/2 avocado chopped small
juice of half a lemon
2-3 tbsp olive oil

Toss all ingredients, add salt and pepper to taste.
Serve with crusty bread.

Radicchio Pasta
1 head radicchio chopped

2-3 tbsp olive oil

1 clove garlic

half cup crumbled blue cheese

1/4 cup chopped walnuts

2-3 tbsp olive oil

pasta (I used spaghetti)

Heat olive oil and garlic in a pan (careful not to burn garlic)

Add radicchio and saute until limp - about 10 minutes

Add cooked pasta to the pan with the radicchio and toss
Serve with a sprinkling of blue cheese and walnuts

Yes, "Just" One

At the beginning of our "separation," Ex and I shared a home but still divided custody. This meant that on my days with the kids he'd go to his girlfriend's house. On his days with the kids I'd be at a friend's house, hiding in my office/bedroom.... or taking myself out to dinner - just to get out of the house until after bedtime.

I've always loved dining. Not eating, dining. To me that means a cocktail at the bar (martini-me!) with some house-cured olives, roasted almonds or some other finger food; salad and a main course; appropriate wine; dessert and double capp with a shot of amaretto.

Disclaimer: When I worked in a restaurant, during graduate school - first as a hostess and then a bartender - the meal described above was how every manager hoped a table would order for maximum money per cover. Servers pushed it for tips. I enjoy being on the other side of this rule.

Usually a meal like this is shared with a companion (date, friend, love....) but - I quickly discovered - can be equally enjoyable alone.

I choose nice restaurants close to home, tell the host I'd like to sit at the bar, make myself comfortable and order my martini with a menu... While I sip I'll survey the scene, both at the bar and in the "house" (again, harking back to my restaurant days, I feel a kinship with the staff and enjoy the subtle language between them). The bartender sets me up with a place-setting, some bread and I order my meal and request wine recommendations. By the time dessert rolls around I've become friendly enough with the people sitting next to me and the bartender that I could hardly call myself "alone" anymore.

To be clear, these aren't single-bar types of places. I often befriend couples sitting near me - sharing menu recommendations or experiences at other area restaurants (once, two men sitting next to me spent a lovely half hour sharing their wedding album with me.) Bartenders - male and female - are particularly accommodating when you take their wine or food recommendations. In general, I find, if I am friendly and enjoying myself the people around me are more open to an inclusive relationship.

At the end of my meal I leave alone. But never lonely.