Yes, "Just" One

At the beginning of our "separation," Ex and I shared a home but still divided custody. This meant that on my days with the kids he'd go to his girlfriend's house. On his days with the kids I'd be at a friend's house, hiding in my office/bedroom.... or taking myself out to dinner - just to get out of the house until after bedtime.

I've always loved dining. Not eating, dining. To me that means a cocktail at the bar (martini-me!) with some house-cured olives, roasted almonds or some other finger food; salad and a main course; appropriate wine; dessert and double capp with a shot of amaretto.

Disclaimer: When I worked in a restaurant, during graduate school - first as a hostess and then a bartender - the meal described above was how every manager hoped a table would order for maximum money per cover. Servers pushed it for tips. I enjoy being on the other side of this rule.

Usually a meal like this is shared with a companion (date, friend, love....) but - I quickly discovered - can be equally enjoyable alone.

I choose nice restaurants close to home, tell the host I'd like to sit at the bar, make myself comfortable and order my martini with a menu... While I sip I'll survey the scene, both at the bar and in the "house" (again, harking back to my restaurant days, I feel a kinship with the staff and enjoy the subtle language between them). The bartender sets me up with a place-setting, some bread and I order my meal and request wine recommendations. By the time dessert rolls around I've become friendly enough with the people sitting next to me and the bartender that I could hardly call myself "alone" anymore.

To be clear, these aren't single-bar types of places. I often befriend couples sitting near me - sharing menu recommendations or experiences at other area restaurants (once, two men sitting next to me spent a lovely half hour sharing their wedding album with me.) Bartenders - male and female - are particularly accommodating when you take their wine or food recommendations. In general, I find, if I am friendly and enjoying myself the people around me are more open to an inclusive relationship.

At the end of my meal I leave alone. But never lonely.

A New House to Call Home

Six months ago I posted a video to my YouTube account called Apartment Hunting Persistence. I watch it now and see that I didn't seem terribly excited. Of course, part of it was moving out of my newly renovated home into a space that reminded me of my grad school days.

Yea. I said it.

The "duplex" apartment I've been living in has been uncomfortable to say the least. My office is in my bedroom. The common area is small-when we're home together we trip over each other constantly. Forget entertaining; don't even think about it. Furthermore, the view out the front window is a hideous old garage, falling apart, slouching sideways. The other window looks out over my driveway which might be ok if I drove a Maserati or a Jaguar; but I've got a filthy Subaru. The mommy mobile someone (a date) once said.

I'd only signed a 6-month lease and was looking forward to finding a new home in August. Which meant a July full of (more) apartment hunting persistence. I must have looked at a dozen places. I scoured CraigsList.com and broadened my scope - considered cities to the north and south of me. Anything to find a place that would accommodate two kids, a large dog, a work-at-home mom (that's me!) AND fit into my budget. When I did finally find something that I thought would work - a house in West Berkeley - I was declined because they didn't think I'd be able to maintain the rent. Moving forward I sought the help of my folks who agreed to co-sign a rental agreement.

When the next house came my way I was armed with copies of a standard rental application (all filled out), my credit report, proof of earnings and the all important co-sign agreement from my parents.

The landlady was impressed with my organization. I sat and talked with her for an hour. Explored the house ...

The House Despite being open to geographic change, the house I found is one block from my old place. It's a single family home that you climb a flight of stairs to get into. There are two bedrooms and one bathroom, a good size kitchen and large front window looking out over a charming cottage and the Berkeley Hills. Downstairs there is a single car garage, laundry room, storage areas and a finished office with two windows looking at the backyard. (YES! A large backyard with pear and cherry trees...) It's this extra office that makes it a good move. That, and the fact that the house is bright and sunny with lots of .... character. Retro charm, we could say.

Huh?

It's stuck in 1959. Think wood and "stone" paneled walls, mirror-tiled fireplace with gold marbling, and lots of other amazing quirks that make it so unique and lovable. I'm already cruising CraigsList.com for "mid-century modern" furniture finds. Just to keep the tone going ... :-)

So on Thursday I sign the lease, get the keys and set about moving my life into, what I hope to be, a long-term home. I feel really good about it and I can't wait to take the next step FORWARD in this absurd journey that I'm learning to embrace.

Flying Solo

A couple of months ago I flew across the country to visit relatives. I went over a weekend that the kids were scheduled to be with their dad. I've been traveling with babies or children for 8 years. I've forgotten that there can be productivity in the process. JOY even.

I traveled light. I took a carry-on bag and skipped the check-in line. Waiting in the security line was effortless while I read and responded to email on my blackberry - I had only MY shoes to take off and put on again upon inspection. Once on board the flight, I chose the emergency door aisle (it has more leg room but you can't sit there with children), I opened a book and spent the next two hours lazily reading. I slept, did work on my laptop, listened to my ipod and basically completely enjoyed the private quiet time.

Sooooo, you childless reader ask, what is the difference?

Here is a list of the things that I did NOT have to do:
1. pack and check bags
2. consider contents of carry on bags including but not limited to: crayons, coloring books, dolls, and lots and lots of snacks.
3. referee an argument about who gets to sit by the window.
4. feed, read to and otherwise entertain two children.
5. go back and forth to the potty with the toddler
6. apologize to passengers when my children kick the backs of their seat
7. sit uncomfortably while one of them sleeps with her head on my lap
8. wait for baggage
9. install the car seat in the rental
10. -- I think you get it.

For the past 8 years I've dreaded travel. It took flying solo to remember why.