On Tuesday morning the phone rang and my attorney said, simply, "You're divorced!" The judge had signed my petition and my divorce had been granted. Since then I've been asked over and over again: "how do you feel?" My immediate answer was "kinda relieved, kinda weird..." I couldn't really put my finger on how it felt.
But I've had a few days to process now - talking to friends, reading back on my old journals and blog posts, generally thinking. So I'm gonna tell you how it feels.
There are certain events in life that are of epic importance yet are not celebrated or even marked - at least not in the Western world. There are three that immediately come to mind: losing ones virginity, becoming pregnant, and getting divorced. If you've done any of these things, then you know how it feels.
Remember the day after the first time you had sex? Wondering if people could "tell." Or how about the first trimester of pregnancy when you carried around a little secret that no one could see or feel but you? And then there's divorce. A piece of paper signed by a judge; the news delivered with a phone call. Kind of a vacant hole in the face of a major transition, don't you think?
So how to "celebrate" or at least mark the moment? A lot of people asked if I was gonna go get drunk ... (which I did) or have a party (at the bar). Though fun, neither seems sufficient. Maybe I've not "processed" or thought through this enough to find a way to properly honor the event. It deserves a ritual or a yearly memorial. Something.
I'm looking.
Congratulations!! CONGRATULATIONS.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a while to process it, but I felt a great deal of freedom when my divorce came through. I guess it depends on the circumstances.
ReplyDeletei had trouble with the word "dissolution" - it didn't seem right, this notion that the marriage itself was...dissolved.
ReplyDeleteLike you, i initiated the dissolution of my marriage but didn't feel an ounce of happiness the day i received confirmation of divorce.
BUT....the sensation of _being_ married didn't go away immediately - that took...time. Andthe piece of paper confirming it's end really did nothing other than confirm that we didn't have to pay the same bills.
so, my experience is that the feeling of divorce isn't mirrored whatsoever in the legal process.
It's drawn out of you as you grow beyond the marriage itself. It doesn't dissolve, it feeds your independence, and that's the feeling of being you without him.
frankly, i'd add "marriage" to your list, because (in my experience) it's very hard (almost impossible) to explain what it feels like to be married to anyone who has not ever been married, let alone...divorced.
congrats, Cori - you're free to be you, and you're wonderful so that ought to feel great! :)